angels n demons

i have a new phone! hehe, si daddy talaga kapag naguguilty susuhulan ka, haay, hehe
anyways, i watched angels n demons a while ago..nd uhm i saw my girlfriend =) she's so beautiful, and i missed her soo much, and we talked on the phone for hours =) and i really do hope nakatulog na xa, :)

priest: "do u believe in god"
robert langdon: "im an academic, my mind would not allow me to believe in god"
priest: "but does your heart believe in god?"

i pondered n pondered about this a while back, i agree that i don't believe in god, and my mind as well does not allow me to believe in him, but i guess, maybe my heart does.

i never thought of it this way, there is a greater good i know that, but where the fuck is it?

i even believed in one of my own random theories, that if we develop a very forward and sophisticated civilization, then we have realized the greater good, that zion has always been in the palm of our hands, and that god is man's gretest creation, that god is man's best idea, not the other way around.

but if christianity has been right from the start, and my 21st century upbringing is just too stubborn to see it, that i f he were real, i thought to myself, that maybe my heart does believe in him. that he has this force that makes me believe him (well my heart does)

and i remember that's because i am good now, i have found love in this girl, in hush..
and that got me thinking again about what they say that you see god in other people, in good. and yes, maybe he is real, and that my heart is his follower. and that underneath my stubborn debates. he is the first truth we have.

love has led me to accepting , well at least considering it.

one thing is true. i have been touched by an angel.

walking bare feet on fire

She is bliss. And i wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. But sometimes in gets really hard. I guess it's not the walking-on-fire that hurts, it's the walking-BARE FEET-on-fire that scorns. I think i have lost every drunk excuse, every profile pic, every story to tell, every stolen kiss, every tipsy sunrise. All is lost now, and i pray that she lower the temperatures.

I wish i could get to the core of her, and i will water her coals. Sometimes i think i know her best, that i'm privileged whenever she shares me little nothings and big somethings. but there are moments, too many actually, that whenever i ask her lovingly what's wrong she doesn't answer.

she told me she has always been that way. and that's just how she is. She deals with everything by herself because it's how she is. i miss having that kind of thinking, but i know how it kills you.

sometimes, i just want her to let her guard down, and stop acting superhuman. she's gonna have to let it sink in sometimes.

and i will always be there to drink in her bitter juices.

but how long shall i wait?

i'm really thirsty.

I tripped and fell

I tripped and fell hard. Ouch. That's gonna cause me a big blister, and then she didn't say a word, instead she laughed at me, smiled almost lovingly, almost knowingly, like she knows exactly what's running through my mind, and she helped me get up. So, i got up, and tried to brush what's left of my suit, then i realize i'm naked! i try to cover myself, but then she reached out her hand and i took it, and she encircled me lovingly inside her arms. I almost started crying, but before i closed my eyes, i realize i'm not where i'm supposed to be. All is quiet now, after everything, we are in still waters, this is so new to me i said to her.

We're walking now, hand in hand, and i feel light. i feel really different.
I smiled at her, and she smiled back.

I looked down my feet, and saw i was barefoot. My killer stilettos are finally removed.
Thank heavens for letting me fall.

okay soo i'm blogging

It's mid may, it's supposed to be summer. The sun hasn't shone for weeks now, and if she does decide to radiate her warmth, she'll be gone before you know it. I miss bathing in her glory. I don't know if it's just me, but i feel like she mirrors my girl. for she is my girl, my sun kiss.